The Unfornicated Files: DECLASSIFIED Hoodie
The Unfornicated Files: Declassified Hoodie — Cold-Weather Clearance Required
This isn’t just a hoodie. It’s your official uniform for digging through the vault of history, hoaxes, and hilariously bad takes.
The Unfornicated Files: Declassified hoodie is built for late-night livestreams, deep dives into declassified chaos, and sarcastic commentary on the nonsense humanity pretends is fact. Whether you’re debunking moon-landing denial from your couch or dropping truth bombs in a chilly classroom, this hoodie keeps you warm while the takes stay ice cold.
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Back: The Declassified seal—bold, blocky, and stamped like a blacked-out government memo you’re not supposed to see.
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Front: The Unfornicated logo over the heart, because that’s where the truth lives (and also your caffeine supply).
Made for the skeptics.
Worn by the curious.
Feared by misinformation.
Slip it on. Crack open the files.
And remind the world: some secrets are stupid.
The rest? We’re digging up on-air.
More details
- 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester
- Charcoal Heather is 60% ring-spun cotton, 40% polyester
- Carbon Grey is 55% ring-spun cotton, 45% polyester
- Heavyweight fabric (8.5 oz)
- Regular fit but can run a bit tight
- Unisex sizing
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Unfornicated
- Email: contact@support.unfornicated.shop
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, bisphenols and phthalates level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
The Unfornicated Files: DECLASSIFIED Hoodie Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
|
S
|
27
|
20
|
|
M
|
28
|
21
|
|
L
|
29
|
23
|
|
XL
|
30
|
25
|
|
2XL
|
31
|
26
|
|
3XL
|
32
|
28
|